Confession Bear : Lacking of Social Skills

Hi,

You remember my day trip to Singapore last month.

When I was in Singapore last month, I met a Filipino male. We had a brief friendly chat and as I rushed to catch the skytrain, we spontaneously exchanged numbers. He immediately texted me so I could save his name. As I hopped into the skytrain, I lost the free airport wifi connection and I thought may be I could  reply him when I returned to KL.

The day was over and I had safely arrived in KL and I decided to ignore the text. That was very low of me, i know. I felt guilty and was being very rude about a month later when he texted me again saying "thanks". But I chose to ignore it, too.. My whatsapp call application didn't think it was a good idea, too so it pocket dialled the guy's number. Bloody hell!

Thanks to my pocket and whatsapp call app, the guy texted me again asking if I rang him.

Three times right? I figured I owe him a huge apology and a simple explanation as to why I ignored his texts.

This is the trigger point of his entry.

It should not be so complicated right?. You met a person, you had a good chat, he wants to be friends and you should be able to accept the gesture. Simple.

However, growing up with Mom, unnecessary interactions with the opposite sex must be avoided. You do not want to be seen that you are easy and available. So I did not grow up having much exposure on how to deal with the opposite sex. And going to all girl school did not help.. AT ALL.

The other reason is  I often stray and this my dear readers, has happened quite a number of times in the past. It came to the situation where it was all fun and games in the beginning and then when feelings got involved, BAM!! I would be clawing my way out trying not to hurt everyone's feelings and most often than not, it would be mine put up for sacrifice. Few lessons learned and I made a promise to never get involved with 'scandals' anymore. Also, as you might have guessed it, few bridges were burned down. I have been sober for two years or so now and it was very rewarding. Relationship with fiance got smoother. He doesn't worry much as before. He no longer monitors me on Facebook and best part of all, my chest feels lighter.

Now, getting to almost 8 years into the relationship with my fiance, I tried my very best to shrug off any unnecessary conversation with the opposite sex. The reason behind mainly because I don't enjoy the commitment to reply to small chats and the idea of 'getting to know' a person unnecessarily, is exhausting.

And because of that... my social skills with the opposite sex has been very lacking. I do not know how to interact with them casually without getting flirtatious. Most of my interactions with the opposite sex would be work related. It is breezy and I like to keep it that way. I do have few male friends in the circle but and sadly I don't remember how I got to be casual honest friends with them. I often decline having lunch with them, let alone going out together for a casual weekends.

It is a sad sad confession but I am a socially disabled person.

And then I stumbled upon Tunku Idris' Instagram. This... the one below.

And I thought, what I did for that guy was incredibly rude simply because we had a very good small brief chat before I left Changi Airport and it was me who actually gave my numbers to him when asked. So, I felt like I owe him a huge apology for being a total ass.

Asked few of my girlfriends of their thoughts of my decision. They were against it because I am getting married and knowing me and my tendency to 'stray' out of the path, they advised me to ignore the guy. That is the Malay girls view. I am not surprise. If I were put to answer the same issue, I would advise me to ignore him. Malays are like 'Don't go be looking for trouble, gurlll'.

To get a second opinion I put up the issue on an international platform, hoping someone from different cultural background could give me a different perspective. If you look for answers, you sure are going to get it. Surely enough, someone responded. This person replied to my post stating that if he was the guy who texts me, he would be upset and in a polite way he stated, he would think I am an ass for ignoring his texts when I was being all friendly during the brief encounter we had at Changi Airport. He suggested for me to be honest with my status (as someone fiance) to avoid him to get any ideas and apologize for delaying the reply. That's how he suggested for me to make peace with my guilt.

There was also another response from another person stating 'how insecure and torturous being in a relationship, not being able to talk to the opposite sex without having the significant other getting upset'. Unfortunately, I believe, this is somewhat true. It has not come to a point that it is torturous, though. It is just sad. I have insecurities and so does my S/O. So, we have been practicing the famous quote by Confucius :- "don't do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you". I hate seeing him even getting friendly with any other girls, and likewise. So, we took an understanding not to casually interact unnecessarily with the opposite sex.

However, I would really like to get rid of this guilt I felt and took the first person's response for an advice and replied to this Filipino guy's text and I must say I felt relieved. He took it well and we have a quite friendly conversation earlier this morning.

I'd like to grow of from this disability. It is not healthy. But on a brighter side, I learned something about myself which I think needs a lot of improvement.

It is not weird right, guys? You know, this awkwardness of trying to be friends with the opposite sex. Hehe

Tell me your views.

Love, 

Munirah